Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
