he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
