afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
