you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
