lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
