We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
