yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
