I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
