I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
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Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
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I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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