I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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