Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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