what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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