did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
