so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Is it penis luge time yet?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
