My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
