took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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