What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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