He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
