How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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