Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
