Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
