come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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