I CAN MOONWALK!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
