Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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