How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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