Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
