I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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