I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
