whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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