Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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