when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
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You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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