It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
