...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
