Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
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Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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