I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
