i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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