Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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