yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
