I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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