I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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