I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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