5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
