Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have fence marks all over my body
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
