Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
