So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
