I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
