we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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