But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
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At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
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He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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