I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
