I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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