onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
