im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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