So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
