hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
