I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Two words: nipple clamps
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