did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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