I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
