? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
