Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
