I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
