For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
