he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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