Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
