My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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