she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
