I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
