Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
