nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
