how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
