I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
