I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
