She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
