Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
