Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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