I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
