GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
