just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
