you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
