How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Too much gin, very little bucket
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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