She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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