There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
