I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
