You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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