i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
