he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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