There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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