im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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